Are you effin kidding me?!

The truth about me is that there are days when all I want to do is scream and cry and throat punch somebody. There are times when I just don't want to feel happy because right now I am not happy and I am stressed beyond the breaking point. There are days when I am unclear about what my purpose is and I am too scared to figure it all out. There are days when I look heavenward and cock an eyebrow and ask "wtf are you thinking God!!?!?" There are days when all I really want to do is have a good old fashioned temper tantrum right here in the middle of the my living room.......life has not been fair and sometimes not even fun. Sometimes no matter what spin you put in "it" it still ends up smelling like the shit it really is.

But here's the thing, every single day I have to chose happiness over sadness and depression. Every single day I have to chose to smile rather then walk through my day with my "resting bitch face". Every single day I have to chose to be fierce, fearless and brave. I have come to realize the more I chose to be those things, "fake it till you make it" type thing, the more I actually BEcome those things.  When I wake up and take stock of my day I can either cringe and complain or I can breathe deeply, count my blessings and become comfortable with the concept that whatever happens, its all good, even when it's bad, and I am bigger than any problem I might face and stronger than I remember and wiser today then I was yesterday. The alternatives to rhis are sadness, fear, depression, timidness,  and over all a loss, a missed moment.

Life is a series of moments and you have to be ready for them. You simply cannot hide from them always making excuses. I don't care what dilemma you face, you have to consciously chose to be bigger that that dilemma. Complaining about life, the wrongs done to you by others, the feeble wishes that "if only I ________(fill in the blank) " does not change a thing. The Universe is always and I do mean ALWAYS conspiring for you. It does not know the difference between your good thoughts or your bad thoughts and whatever you put emotion behind, good or bad, the Universe puts into motion the things, people and places that are necessary to give it to you....."Your wish is my command".  When you fully understand this it makes it a million times easier to pad your account with the good stuff. We ALL have the power to change regardless of the variety of circumstances. If you want change in your life you simply must BE the change--it starts with you. And on those days when you want to quit because "it's too hard" or "you just don't know what it's like to...." or the million reasons or excuses to justify quitting, THAT it when you have to dig deep and say YES to life, to accept that you might be scared shitless, that you might feel uncertain, lost and maybe lonely.  When you live life fully accepting the wind in your hair- white knuckle-what the hell do I do now adventures of life,  things get soooo much easier.
Try it--you'll like it!
~Namaste

Today

Felt guilty about sharing a part of my dysfunctional family yesterday. I said what I said, in truth because at that moment I was feeling pain and sadness but also as a way to invoke an understanding in people that would otherwise just complain about my ability, my need, my desire and goal to remain a positive force in my life as well as the lives of others who I hold dear and in high esteem, WHY I try so earnestly to be positively happy!.The truth of the matter is that my family has done me wrong but they served a purpose in as much as they taught me to be okay with eliminating toxicity from my life. I don't give a rat's ass who you are or what role you play in my life, if you are a part of my life and toxic, you will be removed because I am no longer okay with letting people walk over me to lift themselves up at my expense. I am no longer interested in entertaining your bitch-fest so that you can feel better about yourself but now I bear the burden of not only my own bullshit but now yours as well. I did that for 20 years of marriage and always I hung on ( longer than I should have) because I kept playing this insane guessing game, you know the one: did I really do all I could have in this situation? Did I really give this person ample opportunity to improve or engage or whatever? Am I being overly sensitive in this situation?  Do they realize all the sacrifices I just made? Do I really love this person enough to see this through?

At the end of the day all that truly matters is what did I do with the time I have been given? Who did I serve? Who did I help? Who did I make happy?  What difference did I make for the lives of my children as well as future generations? The fact of the matter is that if I am in a negative head space, my judgment is clouded, and my ability to respond appropriately cannot be trusted. When I am living life from a place of happiness, from behind a positive force I am clear headed, I am "sane" and free to make rational, loving and caring decisions both for myself and, as the need arises, for others. Being happy and being positive doesn't mean I let people hold me captive to their negativity, it doesn't mean that I gladly stand at the bottom of a shit mountain and wait for the next person to shit on me and smile and say "yum yum" it means I do what is right for me, even if it means walking away from someone I love, and removing the toxicity from my life. I simply cannot be the person I was meant to be---NONE of us can be for that matter-- if I am not willing to weather the storm from peace and love. Period.

Tenzin Gyatso; The Fourteenth Dalai Lama says of achieving happiness.. "For a start, it is possible to divide every kind of happiness and suffering into two main categories: mental and physical. Of the two, it is the mind that exerts the greatest influence on most of us. Unless we are either gravely ill or deprived of basic necessities, our physical condition plays a secondary role in life. If the body is content, we virtually ignore it. The mind, however, registers every event, no matter how small. Hence we should devote our most serious efforts to bringing about mental peace. From my own limited experience I have found that the greatest degree of inner tranquility comes from the development of love and compassion." (full article can be found here  Dalailama Wisdom )

So for today I live my life with the sole purpose of being compassionate, understanding, loving, supportive and appreciative for all that I already have. I live planted in the NOW and not surrounded by people or my own swirling thoughts of what if, what could happen, what might happen, who will appreciate me, who will recognize me or my efforts. I live for ME and my pleasure because only then can I be influential to others. Happiness, much like negativity, is contagious and I chose to infect people with happiness!

Welcome one and All

I designed this blog with each of our own personal journey's in mind. We all come from different starting points and along the way we meet up with each other. The ultimate journey being the true understanding that each one of us is, now and for all time, connected. Nothing happens to us that is by accident, but rather by design. We are each of us, the creators of our own little Universe. The people we let in to our lives, those that stay and those that bid us farewell, are part of the overall experience we created in order to further, or better, our journey. None of the people in our lives can take the journey for us, but rather with us. They enter our lives, in the greater scheme of things, for a short time. They are here with us to teach us, to guide us, to uplift us, to comfort us, to anger us, to delight us, to dismay us, to discourage us, to limit us, to enhance us.....the ultimate goal being to grow us and we are there for them in the same way and purpose.  The stories that I blog about are my own. They may resonate with some and others may see my stories as just entertainment. Whatever the case may be I hope that you find comfort, strength, encouragement and maybe even an idea or two along the way that will further you, that will better you in your journey to happiness. And I do know how to spell happiness....the name of  the blog is with a "Y" just like the inspirational movie The Pursuit of Happyness.